Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
