Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love you. Go after that dick
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
