it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize