Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
