I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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