hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
