My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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