if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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