Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize