yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
