if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
