Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
