I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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