Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
