you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
