I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
