ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
