she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
