I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
