I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize