we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
