Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize