I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
