if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
