So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
