the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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