Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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