Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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