they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
