what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
