i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
