Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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