Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
