saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
