I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize