Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
