he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize