Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
