weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
