So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
