If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
