Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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