youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can't special order awesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
