my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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