I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
