She is in my trunk
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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