dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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