good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
