Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
