paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
