Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize