The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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