I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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