if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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