Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
