Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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