It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
