he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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