I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
