I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My ATM looks so different sober.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
