Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
