Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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