I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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