ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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